Somewhat Back to Normal

By Stephanie

All right after a LONG hiatus I'm finally back and ready to talk about all that has been going on. After my last reconstructive surgery, praise Jesus, I'm finally done with the reconstruction process. And let me tell you it was a ride. In true fashion I had another infection after my surgery. So that makes every time but one where I had an infection. Lucky for me though this time I did not end up back in the hospital and need IV meds. My stitches though took about two months to get fully healed. Thank goodness for Medhoney. If you do not know what that is and you are having a hard time with wounds healing I HIGHLY suggest you speak with your physician about seeing if it would be the right thing for you to use. Now just on to a couple of in office procedures and everything should be done. Insert happy dance here!

What is funny is that after almost three years we are still doing this grind. Whether it be treatment or surgery its (insert either of those here) attempt to recover in shortest time possible. Then (insert life saying nice try) reevaluate and realize your on your bodies time not yours. Next step is try to keep your families life as least effected as possible be super mom, wife, friends etc (insert insane exhaustion due to recover and Endocrine-therapy) then actually recover and resume what normal life may look like. Now that the grind is done we as a family are to the point we just want to live. Lets mark off every single thing we possibly can. Lets visit anyone we possibly can. Lets do it all! And let me tell you I am here for all of that!

Are things the same as before? No. And I'm learning that is okay. I use to want so desperately to be that person I was before cancer. The one who wasn't so fatigued all the time, rushing to the next doctors appointment, and didn't constantly check out and think, "What if it comes back? What if it is growing in me now? Is that a lump I feel?" I've learned as time goes on the fatigue is more manageable, my appointments are more scattered, and my thoughts are fewer and farther between. More than anything I realize if I did it once then I can and will do it again. It's coming to terms with the worst case scenario and tell myself there is a solution. This is something I'm coming to focus on more than the fear. The fear associated with it is still their, but I don't dwell on the fear as much anymore. I focus on what comes after the diagnosis, the solution. Holding on to the solution gives me hope and comfort.

So if you are going through the grind of endless treatment, surgeries, doctors appointments etc, remember the grind will come to an end. This is a small chapter in your book. Keep looking forward and find happiness in the small moments during that grind. It WILL end!